Family Photo {shoot them}

{Warning:  Some families are very, very careful about only using
nice words with each other…mine is not.  Proceed at your own risk. :0}

It started out as a good plan.
“Let’s take our Christmas card photos today, beloved family,” said Mom.
Things went downhill from there.

You’d think my family would appreciate doing this in September,
instead of the frigid November temperatures they endured last year.
But, I guess 85 degrees and dripping humid
isn’t much better than 15 degrees, and freezing cold.
Pick your torture.

I envisioned just the kind of photos I wanted.
I had my newly painted kitchen chairs, just begging to be used.
The recent rain we’d gotten had made our pasture nice and green.
These were going to be our
Best.Photos.Ever…(dream on, mother)

Everybody get your blue jeans on….
Come on…this will be fun……
…or not.

We might look like a happy, well-adjusted, loving family
(or not),
but that’s because you can’t hear…

“Will you just shut up and smile?!!” 
(said by me to the boy who kept making
everyone else look away from the camera with his blabbering)

“If you don’t stop acting stupid, I’ll elbow you in the face.” 
(said by sweet, loving sister to her little brother)

“Why does this have to be torture every year?”
(said by big brother who wasn’t helping the situation)

“You’ve got a stupid look on your face.”
(did I really say that?!!)

“Dang it, someone remind me to take my glasses off!”
(yes, that would be me again)

“OH..MY..GOSH”
(said by my husband when I climbed on his lap for a “cozy” photo)

The only other comment my husband made was
something to the effect of,
“Why do you have to get so grumpy?”
(“You haven’t begun to see grumpy, dear.“)

In addition to my family being difficult, there was another problem.

Earlier in the day, I had middle son take all the chairs to the pasture.
I got my tripod out, charged my camera battery,
decided at the last moment to quickly make a banner with our name on it.

I went down to the pasture,
picked the perfect spot, arranged the chairs and hung the banner.
Everything was ready for this fun, family activity.

What I didn’t consider, is that the sun would be setting
directly behind where I’d placed the chairs.

Once we got down there, I was so busy yelling,
“Shut up and smile”, I wasn’t even paying attention to the
fact that the sun was RIGHT behind us.

I shot like 20 photos, then asked my daughter
to take a few of my husband and I.
She took several, then said,
“Hey, Mom…the sun is really bright behind you.”
(I’m sure you all have noticed that little detail by now.)

See that look of, …*&^%@#*… on my husband’s face?
He knew that meant the last 20 minutes were a complete waste,
the “fun” needed to start all over again,
and my weight was cutting off his breathing.

As if we weren’t all having enough fun,
now we had to move the chairs and try to get
more photos before we lost any decent light.

Oops…gotta take another one – I forgot about my glasses again.

After those 2 photos, my husband said the kids had suffered enough

and I should let them do some fun photos.

FUN???  After all they’d put me through?

And, wait…we forgot to hold the banner for that photo!

He declared he was DONE…D.O.N.E.

So…the delinquents children had their fun.

 Kinda reminds me of The Sound of Music.

…So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

Did I really raise these creatures?

The big boys thought leap frog sounded fun.

It’s all fun and games…

Until big brother jumps over your back so hard

 your head hits the ground.

Without some serious photo editing, I have

a feeling we’ll be repeating this performance

in November,

               in the bitter cold,

                                         WITH my banner and chairs! 🙂